Should Divorced Parents use Their Ex as a Threat?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Especially when it is an hour past bedtime for the fourth night in a row, and they STILL keep getting out of bed to tell you stuff like:

"Mom, did you know how Dumbledore dies?" (which V knows because she pretended she had to go to the bathroom and surreptitiously snuck her book in with her)

"Mom, I'm hot" (C)

"Mom, I'm cold" (C after I turn on his fan)

"Mom, D is making noise and I can't sleep" (V, after singing loudly to herself and being reprimanded)

"Mom, I need a drink" "So? You have four bottles of water on your desk" "But Mom, they aren't COLD..." (C and V, within mere seconds of each-other)

"Mom, I confess, C and I were playing rock/ scissor/ paper and ran back to our rooms when we heard you coming, but we promise to be good now and go to bed and not get up again" (which would mean a LOT more if this isn't the same thing I've heard on average 7 times per night for the past 4 nights)

So I do what I promised not to do, and say,

"Get up ONE more time, and I'm calling your FATHER!!!!"

Yeah, I know I said I wouldn't, but oh well... I'm sure X does the same thing, right?

Thanksgiving Dinner with Family and Ex-Husband

Well, we got through it. I crashed yesterday, too tired to do anything after getting ready for my sister and bro-in-law (S&B) to come down today. Got the little house looking nice and shiny-o, the X watched the kids while I went shopping.

When I got back, I said without even thinking "Here, brown this ground chuck - I'm making us some tacos!" - and X started doing it but was very quiet and kept rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. I realized what I had done and felt bad - we have always cooked together, and I just said what I did without thinking.

"Hey," I said, "You don't have to feel obligated to stay or to cook - I mean, if you want to go home, that's OK. I should have asked you if you wanted to stay and eat tacos instead of assuming."

He looked hugely relieved, and said, "I don't want to seem mean... I just really want to go home - I think I'm going to just go to bed."

He went home, and I finished cooking dinner. He called right as we were done eating, and said again he didn't want us to think he was being mean. I apologized again, too, saying I felt like I had taken him for granted, and I shouldn't have done that. I said I understood he needed rest (neither of us sleep too well in an empty bed after all these years). He's very depressed.

It's awkward, sometimes.

Today he wasn't sure he should come over, and when he did get here he went in D's room and played with him. I just let it be. I knew he felt out of place. I don't know how to help that...

We did have a fun dinner; we all sat down together and it wasn't awkward at all. We laughed and ate the scrumptious Thanksgiving dinner and had a great time. After we were done, though, he felt uncomfortable again and went on home. He's supposed to pick up the kids in a bit so they can spend the night and I can get some work done.

I do worry about X - he was doing great for a few days, but I think he wasn't that busy this weekend and everything kind of hit home for him. I know yesterday I couldn't seem to focus, finally gave up and sat in the recliner and watched like six TV shows I had DVRd.

It's still all so surreal. Maybe after we finally get the last load of stuff out of the old house and he gets settled in things will be better.

Christmas will be harder, I think. S&B going out of town, so it will be just us - guess X will come over and watch kids open presents and we'll eat.

Rain and cold moving in - I think it's going to be a long, dreary winter.